Choosing the Right Toys for your Toddler

Vimal Sathe, mother of two-year-old Kartik complains, "My husband and I have spent a fortune on toys for Kartik, but he spends most of his time playing with the television remote or making a racket with a spoon and a thali."

Monica D'Souza bought her toddler a toy piano that plays two popular nursery rhymes when you press the keys. She says, "For about three days my daughter would play with nothing else but the piano. I thought I would scream if I heard 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' again. On the fourth day, she totally lost interest in it and the toy is just gathering dust since then."

Today, when parents go into a toy shop, they are greeted by the sight of a bewildering array of toys claiming to be both educative and entertaining. But all this comes for a price. Parents spend a fortune buying toys, wanting to do the best there is for their children. However, most parents find that they spend more time playing with these toys than their children do.
Toddlers are at the stage of discovery in their lives. They come across new things around every corner. Given the competition, toys often fall sadly short in the long-term interest department. However, that does not mean that toys are redundant because household items are not going to offer a sufficient challenge to a toddler's rapidly growing abilities in the long run.
Some tips for selecting the 'right' toys

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  Try to keep the toys solid and simple. Avoid toys with sharp edges or that have toxic paints because toddlers have a tendency to put everything into their mouths. A toddler's concept of play usually involves bashing the toy about a few times and maybe even hurling it across the room for good measure. Obviously, delicate mechanisms are a no-no. Go for durability.
  A ball is a toddler's delight. She can kick it, throw it, bounce it, roll it and crawl after it. It is portable and she will be delighted if she can carry a large, but light beach ball around by herself. In addition, the ball is a tool for initiating social interaction. The toddler rises that when she throws or rolls the ball to someone, they usually throw it back.
  Speaking of toys that encourage interaction, toy telephones top the list. You and your toddler could entertain yourselves by having pretend conversations. At a later stage, you will find that dolls, stuffed toys, toy utensils, etc. also encourage role play and fantasy activities in your toddler.
  Toddlers can hardly be expected to 'read' at this stage in their lives. They usually begin their reading careers by turning the pages of a book back and forth. Thus, it is advisable to buy books with stiff cardboard pages with large colourful images. As the toddler's attention span, memory and language skills develop, she will appreciate books in which there are pictures she can point to and name. Later, she will graduate to the story book stage.
  Parents often buy form boards and stacking rings for their toddlers as they are under the impression that toys like this facilitate the toddler's learning of colours, shapes and forms. There is no evidence to support this presumption. Children do not need to be bought special toys for this purpose as long as they have free access to household items. Children in this exploratory stage tend to take things apart and manipulate them, which may not be the best way to handle household items. Thus, the only advantage of these toys is if they are durable and inexpensive.
  Puzzles are usually beyond a toddler's capabilities. However, two and three piece puzzles are now available and could be tried out. Since your toddler's small muscles may not have developed enough to allow for the precise movements necessary to manipulate the puzzle pieces, look for those that have small knobs or handles attached to the pieces.
  Toddlers normally love to draw and colour. They will scribble on any surface including the walls. Initially, they have trouble holding the pencil or crayon and tend to make wild strokes. They may also show a preference for one particular colour and ignore all the others. Thus, buying your toddler colouring books might be a little premature. Give her an endless supply of rough paper to try out her artistic skills. Colouring books may be provided once her small motor skills are further developed and she becomes interested in stories.
  Simple mechanical toys enhance the development of small muscle skills. Toddlers are usually fascinated by toys that contain levers, push buttons, dials, hinges, etc. that they can manipulate in different ways. E.g. Small hammering toys and peg boards, or large interlocking beads that can be pulled apart and pushed together. Such toys have far more value than fancy battery-operated toys that do ten different things all by themselves.
  Toddlers enjoy playing with building blocks. However, it is advisable that parents buy blocks made of lighter material like cardboard or plastic other than the traditional wooden ones. This will make the blocks easier to 'construct' with. Also, keeping in mind that children enjoy knocking down their constructions almost as much as they enjoy making them, blocks made of lighter material will cause less damage.
  One last tip. Don't worry if your toddler doesn't play with the toys you buy her like it is shown on the box or the way that your neighbour's child plays. Every child has their own way of playing and they do learn.

Child Psychologist

Many parents shudder at the idea of showing their child to a child psychologist. What! My child is not crazy! Why does he need to see a psychologist? And then the old school of thought so prevalent in our society. Our parents, grandparents and great grandparents never saw psychologists, and they were fine, weren't they? This is just a silly fad!

Most people, by they time they become parents, forget what it was like to be a child. When you are a child, you often get taken for granted. Your opinions are discarded, and your wishes don't count. How often have you seen children crying because their parents took them shopping or to run some errands and then ignore the child's pleas to go back home? How often do you shut a child up by saying the words "Because I said so!" without providing a reasonable explanation? While all this certainly does not constitute bad parenting, it may provide insights into your child's behaviour. Childhood is a complicated time. A child's demands are high, and these demands tend to get overlooked often. Your child has to go 'urgently' to a friend's party, while you take your time coming home, wrapping up the present and dropping him off, with the result that your child starts crying and you laugh off your child's tears saying "Don't be silly, we will be there in some time." After all, in your mind, it is not important, but in your child's mind, this party was going to be the best party of her life, and it was the most important event ever for your child.

These are the years when your child is developing his personality, and the way you bring him up plays a crucial part in his personality development.

Discipline

Most parents believe that all you really need to do is discipline your children and at the same time, show them that you love them, and that should be more than enough. However, it isn't. Your child may grow up to be polite, well mannered and intelligent, but he may still have some self-esteem issues. You will find that such a child only truly builds his personality once he leaves home to study in another city or country. If you are a strict disciplinarian, make it a point to be equally disciplined yourself when it comes to coping with your child's reasonable demands. If you make it a point to ensure your child finishes his homework before going to that party, also make it a point to be there on time to drop him off and pick him up.

There may be certain things you say and do as a well meaning parent, which causes your child to feel bad about himself through no fault of your own. 8 year old Aryan would flare up everytime his parents asked him to clean up his room, because this feeing was compounded with a feeling of guilt that he hadn't yet cleaned it up, a feeling of inadequacy for being unable to clean it up, and a feeling of anger directed towards the parents, who just didn't understand that he wanted to clean it up and has cleaned up a part of it, but the just do not appreciate that. You as a parent are totally justified in your demands, but your child is going through a range of emotions which he cannot discuss with you or with his friends, as not many young children discuss their parental problems with their friends. The best person to discuss this with would be a child psychologist. The psychologist serves as a medium between you and your child, and will be able to accurately convey your child's feelings to you, and you would be able to modify your behavior accordingly. In addition, children feel important when they are being listened to, and when their feelings and wants are been taken into consideration. Often a parent may be too busy or otherwise occupied to listen to their child, and while they may not realise it, their child may feel extremely hurt by what they perceive as a snub. Yes, they will forgive you and go on to play elsewhere, but when it happens a second, third and fourth time, it will certainly show up in their personality development. A child psychologist will be able to bring this to your attention.

How often should your child see a psychologist is entirely upto you, but a child should see one often enough, in order to develop a rapport. You could perhaps arrange for your child to visit the school psychologist once a week or once in two weeks, especially if you feel your child displays feelings of anger and aggression, is extremely shy or is weak in his studies. Do not under any circumstances convey to your child that it is a big deal to be seeing a psychologist. It is not, and many parents whose children regularly visit psychologists swear by them. According to Nita Sharma, whose both children see a psychologist once in two weeks, "Every child should see a psychologist. I don't believe that something should be 'wrong' with your child."